1
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:20,680
two three four five

2
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:24,040
six seven

3
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:01,780
You want some coffee?

4
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,060
No, I hate coffee.

5
00:01:11,180 --> 00:01:17,940
Two, four, six, eight, ten, eleven,

6
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,440
twelve, thirteen.

7
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,140
I've been planning this and planning
this for a year.

8
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,980
Everyone knows how important my birthday
is to me.

9
00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:45,180
Everyone.

10
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:48,720
I mean, last year, Hawaii, Kona,
whatever, it was fine.

11
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:55,080
But this year, this birthday, on my
lucky number, the 13th, falls on Friday,

12
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,060
the 13th. And I am going on this trip.

13
00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:03,240
And I'm so excited about it. And last
night, I found out that Ben is

14
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:07,420
canceling. And that's why you asked for
this emergency couples therapy session.

15
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,860
I am just so mad at him.

16
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:15,120
You are getting on that plane tomorrow
and you are going on that trip.

17
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:22,920
Or... Or... Elsa, I'm

18
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:23,920
breaking up with you.

19
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:30,020
That seems a little harsh. Ben, I'd like
to interject here.

20
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:36,180
As you know, Kira, who I've been seeing
for years since her troubles with

21
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,180
bulimia, which...

22
00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:38,490
I know she shared with you.

23
00:02:39,970 --> 00:02:42,550
Kira has a condition called...
Triskaidekaphilia.

24
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:44,770
Yes, I'm aware. Yeah.

25
00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,510
She's obsessed with the number 13.

26
00:02:47,190 --> 00:02:49,370
She... To her, it's a sign of good luck.

27
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:53,430
She's into numerology. She talks about
it.

28
00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:55,450
A lot.

29
00:02:56,570 --> 00:02:57,570
Is that a dig?

30
00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:02,430
Ben, I'm aware that you and Kira have
only been dating...

31
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:07,250
two months and flying across the world
to the 13 isles of the grenadines maybe

32
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:13,430
a work inconvenience he's in the hospice
care business and his last client died

33
00:03:13,430 --> 00:03:19,690
yesterday so he's free or maybe it's too
big a step now in your relationship

34
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:24,630
no no no no no no it is it is not that
no

35
00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:31,450
um it's more than what say it from the
look on your face it's

36
00:03:31,450 --> 00:03:32,450
obviously big

37
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,360
Are you not a Taylor fan?

38
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:42,480
You lied to me. You're not a Swiftie.
No, no, no. I actually, I really like

39
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:47,440
Taylor. I have 13 of my best girlfriends
going on this trip. And I told them,

40
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,320
it's the greatest.

41
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,320
You're going to meet him and fall in
love with him.

42
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,900
And what am I going to tell them now?

43
00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:58,320
Starting today, you are going to tell
them the truth.

44
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,500
I have Triskaidekaphobia.

45
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,060
What?

46
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,240
What is that?

47
00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:13,410
I have a fear of the number 13.

48
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,920
Got the number 13 tattooed on my neck.

49
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:52,980
When the ink starts to age, then the
black turn to red.

50
00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:00,460
I was born in the soul of misery.

51
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,420
Never had.

52
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:11,590
They just gave me the number when I was
young.

53
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:16,690
Girl, you need to perk the fuck up.
Okay, this is a good thing. You're

54
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:19,110
better off without him. But he fucked me
so good.

55
00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:20,670
And he actually wanted children.

56
00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:24,470
And his favorite album was Evermore,
which is my favorite album. Fuck him.

57
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:28,710
Okay, we're gonna party and we're gonna
just enjoy this fucking birthday, girl.

58
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,330
Come on.

59
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,410
Here's to all things 13.

60
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:34,150
Cheers then to that.

61
00:05:40,229 --> 00:05:45,710
I pray you don't look at me. I pray I
don't look. I

62
00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:52,710
was born in the soul of misery.

63
00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:56,830
Never had me a name.

64
00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:03,530
They just gave me the number when I was
young.

65
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,780
I was born in the soul of misery.

66
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,860
Never had me a name.

67
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:21,460
They just gave me the number when I was
young.

68
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,980
I did it for you. I had to face my fear
head on.

69
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,680
It's the worst that could happen, right?

70
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,040
That's what I just kept saying to myself
as I raised you.

71
00:06:38,989 --> 00:06:40,690
Honestly, what's the worst that could
happen?

72
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,930
Very nice, Ophelia.

73
00:07:48,190 --> 00:07:49,550
Now concentrate.

74
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,150
No, no, no. Do not frown.

75
00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:56,370
Yes.

76
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:57,790
Better.

77
00:07:58,710 --> 00:08:01,770
Neutral expression works best for the
ascending spell.

78
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:07,270
The effort should be evidenced by the
act of obje levitation, not by the

79
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:09,010
constipated look on your face.

80
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,740
Madison. Thoughts?

81
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:23,300
The wrist action is delightfully faggy
and in the they-them pocket.

82
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:25,920
Surprise, bitch.

83
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,040
This witch approves.

84
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,520
Close the shutters!

85
00:08:45,970 --> 00:08:47,750
What? What do you sense?

86
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,690
A harbinger.

87
00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,550
Of our doom.

88
00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:58,410
Death.

89
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,910
So much terrifying, vengeful death.

90
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,270
It's probably global warming.

91
00:09:07,810 --> 00:09:09,190
You're always so dramatic.

92
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,710
Well, it is my job.

93
00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:18,030
I am the fucking supreme.

94
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,730
Something wicked this way comes.

95
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,080
It's time.

96
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,300
Shuffle off to Buffalo, as they say.

97
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,160
Go on now.

98
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560
God bless you.

99
00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:51,060
Welcome to the Epoli.

100
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:52,260
How may I help you?

101
00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:53,420
Yeah, hi.

102
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,420
Uh, my name's Ben DeSoto.

103
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:57,900
I'm here to see the caregiver.

104
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,920
Yes, we've been waiting for you. 13th
floor.

105
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,100
13th. 13th floor.

106
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,640
13th. 13th floor.

107
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:10,960
Sorry, there are no 13th floors in any
residential building in the city.

108
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:12,220
Well, there are in this one.

109
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,820
Your client owns the entire 13th floor.

110
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,740
What a renovation some years back.

111
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:20,980
But worth it.

112
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,160
You don't believe in that old
superstition, do you? That the 13th

113
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,440
floor is cursed or some weird unnatural
thing like that?

114
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,880
The elevator's on the right.

115
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,519
Have a good day.

116
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,540
Yeah, you too.

117
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:49,600
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

118
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,780
6, 7, 8

119
00:17:14,419 --> 00:17:16,400
Admiring the Last Supper, I see.

120
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:23,980
Jesus and his 12 disciples, including
that very misunderstood Judas.

121
00:17:24,859 --> 00:17:27,099
You can almost taste that hummus.

122
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,040
It's a very good imitation of a very
good painting.

123
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,680
Imitation?

124
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:36,300
Well, it's a goddamn da Vinci
masterpiece.

125
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:41,400
The one in the Basilica di Santa Maria
del Grazie. That's the copy.

126
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,320
I'm the nighttime attendant.

127
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,560
It's nice to meet you.

128
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,760
Are you all right, ma'am?

129
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,100
I'm sorry.

130
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:08,040
It's just in this thin winter light with
that swarthy complexion for an instant.

131
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:13,080
You look just like a boy I used to know.

132
00:18:17,450 --> 00:18:18,510
No, he was a Jew.

133
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,190
Such a sad end.

134
00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:29,290
After my rejection, they found his body
washed up on the shores of Lake

135
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:35,910
Pontchartrain. In his despair, he had
leapt from the causeway bridge.

136
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,030
I'm sorry.

137
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,710
I'm told your name is Benjamin.

138
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:45,130
Then go by Ben.

139
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,110
Well, that's as Hebrew as Jehovah.

140
00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,330
My people are Italian.

141
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,990
Well, that would have even been worse.

142
00:18:55,250 --> 00:19:01,070
If there was one thing my daddy hated,
it was the Italians.

143
00:19:01,990 --> 00:19:05,430
All those mobsters and Vatican eunuchs.

144
00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:09,030
Why, he wouldn't even let them work on
our roof.

145
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,230
Come on.

146
00:19:10,570 --> 00:19:11,570
Down here.

147
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:20,560
and tried spaghetti until I was 24 years
old.

148
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,520
Here. Here, this way.

149
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:33,600
Oh, by the way, I'm Constance, the
daytime caregiver.

150
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:39,080
Well, let me introduce you to Mr.

151
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,880
Please.

152
00:19:58,550 --> 00:20:05,470
One, two, three, four, five,

153
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:11,210
six, seven, eight, nine.

154
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:18,490
I found it. It has fallen behind his
hemorrhoid

155
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:19,490
cream.

156
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,000
Arnica, such a product.

157
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:25,980
Hail, Arnica.

158
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,260
Hail!

159
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:36,620
So, Mr. Noz is... 87 years young, 13
more years till 100.

160
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,380
Oh, and what a life.

161
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:46,260
Philanthropist, husband, father to us
all, poet and prophet.

162
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:54,820
Well, he looks a bit like a turtle now,
but back in the day, ooh, he

163
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,600
was a looker.

164
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,420
Age is the ultimate cruelty.

165
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,020
Proof to me that there is no God.

166
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:12,140
So, our patient, he was abandoned by his
family for late-stage hospice care?

167
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:13,660
Abandoned?

168
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:15,700
Oh, no.

169
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:23,360
No, no, no, no, no loved by us praise
his name and what he

170
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:28,760
has done for the world 10

171
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:35,460
11 12 13 ring on the arnica sister

172
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:36,580
moon got what I need

173
00:21:40,010 --> 00:21:42,750
That's a huge blood draw for someone in
late-stage hospice.

174
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:48,910
Biomarkers. We check for age and disease
once a week. It's in the service

175
00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:49,970
contract. Mr.

176
00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:52,950
Nas personally requested this
information.

177
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:57,570
He's a stat kind of guy, apparently,
even though he's a vegetable.

178
00:21:58,310 --> 00:21:59,310
Careful, Mr.

179
00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:04,850
Fibes. We don't want our young charge
thinking you're a vulgarian. Come on.

180
00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:06,830
Just come on. Come on, come on.

181
00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:08,390
Let's move this along.

182
00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:10,290
I've got to show him the ropes.

183
00:22:28,170 --> 00:22:32,910
And now on to my favorite time of day
with Mister.

184
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:37,390
Something I do religiously before the
end of every shift.

185
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:43,220
The ever delightful sponge bath.

186
00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:53,000
Benny. Oh, I'm sorry. May I call you
Benny?

187
00:22:53,420 --> 00:23:00,160
Sure. I just want to say I heard about
what had

188
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,620
happened from your placement agency.

189
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,000
A horrible plane crash.

190
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,860
And just a month ago...

191
00:23:09,580 --> 00:23:10,840
Yet here you are.

192
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:14,060
How?

193
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,860
It was a miracle, actually.

194
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:25,300
The plane crashed. I took a nosedive.
The pilots, they got it under control.

195
00:23:25,580 --> 00:23:28,180
Kind of right at the last minute.
Crashed where?

196
00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:29,460
In the ocean.

197
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:30,880
Oh, my goodness.

198
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:32,780
That was you.

199
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,920
Oh, I read all about it on the Yahoo
News.

200
00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:42,960
Yeah, I was in one seat, 13F, that
survived the crash somehow.

201
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,600
I don't remember, but the rescue crew
found me. They said I didn't sink. I

202
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,240
didn't have a scratch on me. So it
was... Goddamn miracle.

203
00:23:58,740 --> 00:24:01,760
Yeah, so my girlfriend, she... She died,
obviously.

204
00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:03,740
Yes,

205
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,820
and so did 12 of her friends.

206
00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:10,540
Only one of them didn't die.

207
00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:14,080
She survived 13B.

208
00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:17,000
And so did I.

209
00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:18,900
Gracious. Oh.

210
00:24:20,540 --> 00:24:22,940
Thirteen souls taken.

211
00:24:26,780 --> 00:24:32,260
The universe must have something in
store for you.

212
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:09,720
Mister likes to bathe in gin, not tea,
body splash.

213
00:25:10,220 --> 00:25:12,400
So we pour in an extra dash.

214
00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:17,800
Oh, wonderful smell.

215
00:25:19,180 --> 00:25:22,540
You know, it smells just like 1983.

216
00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:25,640
Oh, what a year that was.

217
00:25:26,380 --> 00:25:28,000
Bowie was big that year.

218
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,420
Bigger than any gods.

219
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:32,600
And of course...

220
00:25:33,420 --> 00:25:40,280
My my daughter was born 1983 or no wait
wait Maybe it was

221
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,320
earlier Your daughter is she still with
us?

222
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,060
Oh, yes.

223
00:25:46,580 --> 00:25:48,060
Oh, yes.

224
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:54,380
Yes. Yes. Yes All of my children are
alive and thriving

225
00:25:54,380 --> 00:25:56,140
Okay,

226
00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:01,320
so we start with the orifices

227
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,960
openings, membranes, wherever we find
them.

228
00:26:10,460 --> 00:26:16,840
And his nostrils clean out that old man
debris,

229
00:26:17,140 --> 00:26:22,560
snot and pollution. That's right, just
stretch and swab, stretch and swab.

230
00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:26,060
Now his nips.

231
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,560
His nips.

232
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:31,520
Nipples.

233
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:42,140
And then we move on to his urethra.

234
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,340
I'm sorry, what?

235
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,080
His urethra.

236
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,580
It's just another membrane, and we have
to keep all the mucus and bodily fluids

237
00:26:57,580 --> 00:27:01,220
running, keep everything in good
operational condition.

238
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:06,680
Wait. I have worked in hospice for five
years, and I have never once been asked

239
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,400
to clean a patient's urethra
pre-catheter. Well, it's what we do

240
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,560
here. So just do it.

241
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,620
Do it. Go on. Get a Q-tip over there.

242
00:27:27,670 --> 00:27:29,370
Okay. Come on.

243
00:27:29,650 --> 00:27:30,650
Come on.

244
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:36,850
Now you open the glands and then you
swab, swab, swab, swab.

245
00:27:37,350 --> 00:27:41,430
Swish that old thing around in the Jean
Naté suds. Like that.

246
00:27:41,670 --> 00:27:42,469
Yeah, good.

247
00:27:42,470 --> 00:27:44,750
Okay. And then it's done and you're glad
you did it.

248
00:27:47,410 --> 00:27:53,210
Now we're going to move on to down
under.

249
00:27:57,870 --> 00:28:03,690
We're going to... His butthole, okay?

250
00:28:05,890 --> 00:28:10,010
Well, you're looking at me like I'm some
kind of fucking pervert. No, not at all.

251
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:11,010
It's in his contract.

252
00:28:11,050 --> 00:28:14,590
He asks for it, he demands it, we do it,
okay?

253
00:28:14,990 --> 00:28:15,789
I understand.

254
00:28:15,790 --> 00:28:16,790
Okay.

255
00:28:18,810 --> 00:28:20,950
Nice and clean, right as rain.

256
00:28:22,330 --> 00:28:23,770
Good. All right.

257
00:28:26,610 --> 00:28:27,610
Well...

258
00:28:28,620 --> 00:28:32,960
Oh, darling, when you finish here, you
think you could be a lamb and run down

259
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:37,500
to the corner to the Korean and get me a
pack of ciggies? Would you do that?

260
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:38,880
Huh?

261
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,500
I love to change his linens.

262
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,440
but how it could lead to the next global
pandemic.

263
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:38,540
Jessica? No leads in Italy after another
brazen cemetery break-in. Outside

264
00:29:38,540 --> 00:29:43,480
Bologna, thieves burglarized a guarded
crypt, making off with the remains of

265
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:48,960
Benito Mussolini, the late dictator
known as Il Duce. The ransacking of the

266
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:54,040
World War II despots' final resting
place is the latest in a worldwide

267
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,460
string of grave robberies.

268
00:29:56,660 --> 00:29:59,740
Corpses of the infamous have gone
missing throughout Europe.

269
00:30:01,610 --> 00:30:02,610
High alert.

270
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,340
First.